My love affair with sleep.

Yes. You heard correctly. I am having an affair with sleep. While it is something valued, it is something I never get enough of. Lowe’s in particular likes to get in the way of my happiness as much as possible. Clearly they are jealous that I love sleep so much, and attempt to choose that over their hum drum services each time. I find it slightly maddening that Lowe’s likes to do everything so damn early. I bought my washer and dryer from home depot, and the time they chose to install it was in the afternoon. Everytime I order something from Lowe’s, they’re like “OH!!! You’re a student! It’s the middle of the week! Why don’t I come at 8 am!” and I’m like “Ummm…. well is there anything later?” Then they’re like “OH. Wellll, we CAN do 11.” So I’m like “YES! 11 it is.”

7:45 AM

Cell Phone: *ring ring* I am here to disturb your peace!

Me: “errr ughhhh yarrr” *wakes up*

Cell Phone: ‘HELLLOoOOooOOOO!!! This is DAN from LOWES!!!’
Me: ‘ummm HI? Is it already 11?”
Cell Phone: ‘NO!!! It’s 7:45!’
Me: ‘Oh? Well I’m scheduled for 11″
Cell Phone: ‘It’s 7:45! Lowe’s specifically gave me a detailed instruction manual saying that Selena can not sleep, along with a FAQ and trouble shooter to reference in the event that she tries.

Me: ‘Oh, really? They must have given you the wrong manual. Mine says that I do not do any sort of activity in the morning that requires consciousness before 11 AM”

Cell Phone: ‘I would like to do your installation now.”

Me: ‘Ugh okay, I’m already awake now… how far away are you?’

Cell Phone: ‘I’m riiiiight around the corner! I can be there in one minute!”

Me: ‘NO! come back at 11.’ *click*

This occured about 3 weeks ago. He did, begrudgingly, come later in the day. I think he tried to be spiteful by saying “well, I’m busy later so I probably can’t get there until after 11. *rubs in face*” and I say “GOOD! the later the better.” Now, it is another day, it is 9:30 am and I am wide awake because Mr. big bad Lowe’s man had decided to come at 8 o clock. After going to sleep at 2:30. (Me, not the Lowe’s guy. As much as it might tickle me to know his oh so interesting schedule, I do not. Although,… if I DID I could probably harass him at 3 am, or an hour earlier from whatever time he decides to wake up so he knows how it feels. Unfortunately I would not have anything fun or necessary to install so this time I would merely be disturbing his peace.)

I don’t know HOW the Lowe’s guy is SO cheery in the mornings. I wish I could be like that. Instead, you will hear the following if you try to wake me up when I am not ready: “YARRRR! *snarf* whaaaaaat? NO! SLEEP! *gurgle*”

Do not question why I sound like a pirate/attack dog/blonde/angry lady early in the morning. That’s just how it is. Deal with it. Shane has learned to plan accordingly by either giving me Rum and gold, a cookie, bubbles or .. umm whatever is it that makes angry ladies happy. *insert object here*. Of course, the more logical thing to do would be to give me coffee. Give me a cup of coffee and I’m all sunshine and flowers and “HIIII!! GOOOOOOOOOOOD morning!” (Not sunflowers though, I will never be as happy in the morning as that one yoga teacher. He likes to scoop them up. I vote we let him and stand clear). I suspect the Lowe’s guy might have had an extreme amount of caffeine. I am jealous. I never told you who I was having my affair ON.. and that is coffee. How I love coffee.

Anyway, back on track- He also told me his daughter was thinking about going to law school and changed her mind because Law eats your babies. Yes, he went there. Yes, Jenna and I go there all the time. I guess we aren’t the only ones.

I am exhausted. I am supposed to go riding today but I don’t think I can.. I’m way too tired and I have to get everything ready to go back home. As I had said before- YAY for 20 hour road trips!

There is nothing more that I could possibly want other than to go back to bed right now. But I am some kind of malfunctioned young adult who cannot nap, nor go back to sleep once I am awake. It sucks big time. Therefore I find myself writing early in the morning while the boyfriend is in class. Oh class. How I remember you. I used to loooove naps. Evidently they don’t love me back anymore. They are too mad at my love affair with sleep.

PS: I went ice skating this weekend for my first time (Well, I think it was my first time. That’s still up in the air)

I am proud of myself because I did not fall. Even though I was clinging to shane when Michael Jackson’s “beat it” song came on , and I almost threw him off balance. But really! I did good! My mission of keeping all my fingers was a major success. This weekend I also think that I realized I am allergic to scallops. It was a sad, sad day.

  • http://admin beachxbit

    1. “Lowe’s in particular likes to get in the way of my happiness as much as possible” —- OMFG LOWES!!! I went online to price out siding … for the house. I didn’t go to buy it, just to look at rough estimates. And ever since I went to Lowes site, they call me 10 times a day. NONSTOP asking about when I want to do this siding. When I told them no, THEY STARTED CALLING MY MOM!!! They’ve got crazy voodoohoodoo over there.. be careful in your dealings with them.

    2. “Shane has learned to plan accordingly by either giving me Rum and gold, a cookie, bubbles or” — Shane gives you rum (?!) to wake you up?? lol. And BUBBLES?! I just had this bizzare visualization in my head of shane skipping into the bedroom blowing bubbles all over the place. with rum. You have awesomely entertaining mornings at your house. Mine mainly consist of me being angry all over the place stumbling to the coffee maker. Rum and Bubbles sounds like a far superior way to go.

    3. “Law eats your babies” — Law eats your soul. Then your babies. Then it comes after everyone and everything you know and love. Law is one crazy motherfucker. His daughter = Smart girl.

    4. “This weekend I also think that I realized I am allergic to scallops.” — And so is puppy apparently. lol.

    HEHE I LOVE YOU!!!! Ok byes.