Yes. You heard correctly. I am having an affair with sleep. While it is something valued, it is something I never get enough of. Lowe’s in particular likes to get in the way of my happiness as much as possible. Clearly they are jealous that I love sleep so much, and attempt to choose that over their hum drum services each time. I find it slightly maddening that Lowe’s likes to do everything so damn early. I bought my washer and dryer from home depot, and the time they chose to install it was in the afternoon. Everytime I order something from Lowe’s, they’re like “OH!!! You’re a student! It’s the middle of the week! Why don’t I come at 8 am!” and I’m like “Ummm…. well is there anything later?” Then they’re like “OH. Wellll, we CAN do 11.” So I’m like “YES! 11 it is.”
Cell Phone: *ring ring* I am here to disturb your peace!
Me: “errr ughhhh yarrr” *wakes up*
Cell Phone: ‘HELLLOoOOooOOOO!!! This is DAN from LOWES!!!’
Me: ‘ummm HI? Is it already 11?”
Cell Phone: ‘NO!!! It’s 7:45!’
Me: ‘Oh? Well I’m scheduled for 11″
Cell Phone: ‘It’s 7:45! Lowe’s specifically gave me a detailed instruction manual saying that Selena can not sleep, along with a FAQ and trouble shooter to reference in the event that she tries.
Me: ‘Oh, really? They must have given you the wrong manual. Mine says that I do not do any sort of activity in the morning that requires consciousness before 11 AM”
Cell Phone: ‘I would like to do your installation now.”
Me: ‘Ugh okay, I’m already awake now… how far away are you?’
Cell Phone: ‘I’m riiiiight around the corner! I can be there in one minute!”
Me: ‘NO! come back at 11.’ *click*
This occured about 3 weeks ago. He did, begrudgingly, come later in the day. I think he tried to be spiteful by saying “well, I’m busy later so I probably can’t get there until after 11. *rubs in face*” and I say “GOOD! the later the better.” Now, it is another day, it is 9:30 am and I am wide awake because Mr. big bad Lowe’s man had decided to come at 8 o clock. After going to sleep at 2:30. (Me, not the Lowe’s guy. As much as it might tickle me to know his oh so interesting schedule, I do not. Although,… if I DID I could probably harass him at 3 am, or an hour earlier from whatever time he decides to wake up so he knows how it feels. Unfortunately I would not have anything fun or necessary to install so this time I would merely be disturbing his peace.)
I don’t know HOW the Lowe’s guy is SO cheery in the mornings. I wish I could be like that. Instead, you will hear the following if you try to wake me up when I am not ready: “YARRRR! *snarf* whaaaaaat? NO! SLEEP! *gurgle*”
Do not question why I sound like a pirate/attack dog/blonde/angry lady early in the morning. That’s just how it is. Deal with it. Shane has learned to plan accordingly by either giving me Rum and gold, a cookie, bubbles or .. umm whatever is it that makes angry ladies happy. *insert object here*. Of course, the more logical thing to do would be to give me coffee. Give me a cup of coffee and I’m all sunshine and flowers and “HIIII!! GOOOOOOOOOOOD morning!” (Not sunflowers though, I will never be as happy in the morning as that one yoga teacher. He likes to scoop them up. I vote we let him and stand clear). I suspect the Lowe’s guy might have had an extreme amount of caffeine. I am jealous. I never told you who I was having my affair ON.. and that is coffee. How I love coffee.
Anyway, back on track- He also told me his daughter was thinking about going to law school and changed her mind because Law eats your babies. Yes, he went there. Yes, Jenna and I go there all the time. I guess we aren’t the only ones.
I am exhausted. I am supposed to go riding today but I don’t think I can.. I’m way too tired and I have to get everything ready to go back home. As I had said before- YAY for 20 hour road trips!
There is nothing more that I could possibly want other than to go back to bed right now. But I am some kind of malfunctioned young adult who cannot nap, nor go back to sleep once I am awake. It sucks big time. Therefore I find myself writing early in the morning while the boyfriend is in class. Oh class. How I remember you. I used to loooove naps. Evidently they don’t love me back anymore. They are too mad at my love affair with sleep.
I am proud of myself because I did not fall. Even though I was clinging to shane when Michael Jackson’s “beat it” song came on , and I almost threw him off balance. But really! I did good! My mission of keeping all my fingers was a major success. This weekend I also think that I realized I am allergic to scallops. It was a sad, sad day.